Friday, January 24, 2014

:D

Hello.
Living in my twenties, with no accomplishments and nothing to look forward to can be quite depressing. Besides, i have this mind-set that i'm not good at doing anything. There are times where i lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking what am i going to do for my degree. Is my cgpa good enough for this or that course? Do i even like that course? Can i handle the pressure? Will i get a job? If i did, am i going to be good at doing that job? And it always ends with either my being overly confident or curling underneath my blanket and...cry. haha. The latter is more likely to happen because i always have a feeling that i can't do it.

But the way i think changed a bit when i talked to my aunt. I just listened, actually, i didn't say anything. She's in her late fifties, or maybe early sixties, i'm not quite sure about that. She said something like this 'i don't know, i miss the old me'. Well, that's the only part i remember, because the rest of that short conversation was filled with my brain telling me "don't say anything, she doesn't need your advice, don't say anything, you'll sound stupid". I just sat there and listened, and it was really awkward. The odd thing was, i understood exactly how she felt, and to think that  i am 21 (then) and having a 50year-old woman's discontentment about her life is quite shocking! Besides, as a niece, i see her as a woman with a lot of things to be proud of, her studies, her job. Maybe she couldn't see all that.

I wonder, what is the similarity between me and my aunt? I can't wait to have 'her life', but she's missing mine. And then i get it. We are both discontented and we're not living in the moment.

And now, training myself to be content with my life as it is, i am...happy. Hehe. Besides, this is my second last semester, and i have mixed feelings about it. One part of me can't wait to move forward, just like my seniors, and a lot of my friends are even doing their internships. But another part of me wants to stay here, because i know i'm going to miss this place and these people.

So, the moral of the story: be thankful.
Ok, dah habis.
***

...i wear 'specs' now, and there are tompok-tompok all over my face. i feel and look uglier than ever. I wasn't cantik pun dulu. And no, not fishing for compliments here, you know it when you're ugly. Bukan tak bersyukur, but...you know it when you're ugly! So that's why la i wrote this positive story, hoping that it would make me feel better. Hehe.

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ex-pasumian, ex-maresmartian, ex-smab(ian?). currently studying in uitm negeri sembilan. a twenty-two-year-old, and i am (still) loving spongebob.