Hi!

  I feel like writing something here, because i didn't bring back my diary. Yep, i have a diary hehe! So...i'm in ipoh, visiting my opah. She's bedridden, because of stroke. It's sad, but i'm thankful that we're still given a chance to see and talk to her. Even though she can't talk, and i don't know if she can see us.

  I don't know how i feel about this one-week holiday. Because i'll have my final exam in less than 4 weeks. I'm struggling with this one particular subject, i love the subject, it could even be my favourite subject...if i didn't screw my tests and assignments. But i'll try my best, still :P Anyway...HAPPY GAWAI!

Hehe, that's all. Bye.

Moneyh!!!

It's 4.47 a.m. and with my mind thinking about so many things, i'm quite sure i won't be sleeping anytime soon. I think I might just as well get up and write something on my blog, since i've been missing to blog too.

First of all, Alhamdulillah, i've completed my diploma courses! Those were wonderful three years, i met new people, i lived in a place i'd never been before (not the pekan kuala pilah though, i've been to that small town, and ulu bendul too) and i learned loads of new things. But i can't really say i miss those years or maybe i am just not there yet, the phase where all the things in the past suddenly seem so beautiful, or rather you just forget about all the bad experiences, and suddenly you wish you could turn back the time. :P

I'm currently in a waiting mode, waiting for all kinds of online university application forms to be available, hoping that i may secure a place,... or maybe that's just a fancy way of saying i'm a jobless, boring woman (menghabiskan beras mak bapak, HAH). But it's not really boring when you can sleep anytime you want, and read whatever whenever you like, hehe...and it's not really boring when you can spend some time...yep...travelling! The downside of travelling, though, is it costs money, lots of it.

My friend asked me if i'm interested to travel to eastern europe, backpacking style! Oh how i wish i could just say yes right away! But there are so many things i need to consider. First, as i'm waiting for a degree offer (well i'm not that stupid, i think i'm able to continue my studies insyaAllah), so i think i'm going to need to allocate some money for that, and i'm thinking of buying a new laptop because my old laptop is acting so...old. But i think i need to cross that off the list. :( i'm fine with the old laptop though, she's doing well, she's served for so many years, and was reformatted only three times. Second, i've already had a plan to travel to turkey with my mom and my aunt and my uncle, so i don't know if travelling to so many places in the same month is a good decision, financial-wise especially. Plus, with all the issues of ringgit jatuh... :( Third, i also had a plan to travel with my good friend, teok. But i don't know when is it going to take place. I personally would love to travel with friends more than family because of the challenges it poses. I mean it will take away all the comfort of jalan-jalan with your family. (Cakap je lebih, tapi nanti mesti rindu mak jugak, heh...)

Speaking of which, i think i'm going to ask my mak lah what she thinks. Because moms are...shamans...they know...

Bye!

:D

Hello.
Living in my twenties, with no accomplishments and nothing to look forward to can be quite depressing. Besides, i have this mind-set that i'm not good at doing anything. There are times where i lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking what am i going to do for my degree. Is my cgpa good enough for this or that course? Do i even like that course? Can i handle the pressure? Will i get a job? If i did, am i going to be good at doing that job? And it always ends with either my being overly confident or curling underneath my blanket and...cry. haha. The latter is more likely to happen because i always have a feeling that i can't do it.

But the way i think changed a bit when i talked to my aunt. I just listened, actually, i didn't say anything. She's in her late fifties, or maybe early sixties, i'm not quite sure about that. She said something like this 'i don't know, i miss the old me'. Well, that's the only part i remember, because the rest of that short conversation was filled with my brain telling me "don't say anything, she doesn't need your advice, don't say anything, you'll sound stupid". I just sat there and listened, and it was really awkward. The odd thing was, i understood exactly how she felt, and to think that  i am 21 (then) and having a 50year-old woman's discontentment about her life is quite shocking! Besides, as a niece, i see her as a woman with a lot of things to be proud of, her studies, her job. Maybe she couldn't see all that.

I wonder, what is the similarity between me and my aunt? I can't wait to have 'her life', but she's missing mine. And then i get it. We are both discontented and we're not living in the moment.

And now, training myself to be content with my life as it is, i am...happy. Hehe. Besides, this is my second last semester, and i have mixed feelings about it. One part of me can't wait to move forward, just like my seniors, and a lot of my friends are even doing their internships. But another part of me wants to stay here, because i know i'm going to miss this place and these people.

So, the moral of the story: be thankful.
Ok, dah habis.

***

...i wear 'specs' now, and there are tompok-tompok all over my face. i feel and look uglier than ever. I wasn't cantik pun dulu. And no, not fishing for compliments here, you know it when you're ugly. Bukan tak bersyukur, but...you know it when you're ugly! So that's why la i wrote this positive story, hoping that it would make me feel better. Hehe.

tortoise

i've found a new webcomic. it's updated weekly, but i think i had to start reading from its very first post, and so i did. but by doing that, i knew i couldn't catch up with its latest posts, and you know what that reminds me of? zeno's paradox, where achilles had a race with a tortoise. i first watched about that paradox on youtube, and i read it again in my book. but unfortunately, i understood nothing. but one thing for sure, achilles must be one hell of a runner. hohohoh.

...there must be at one point in your life where you read tortoise as "thor-toy-say"