when i was a kid, i saw everyone around me as unreal people, or mere
projections 'inception'ally speaking. haha. the only ones whom i thought were real were my mom and my brothers, and maybe my newborn nephew. my friends, teachers, however, were unreal. it felt like as though i was in a game, i was a single player, and the whole environs were created by Allah for me. what a silly girl.
but, as far as i could remember, i've fully stopped believing that when i was in standard one. i have a very vague memory of that, but i think it started when my friend was, somehow, hurt by another friend, and she was sad. and she wasn't physically hurt, mind you. it was a small matter, of course. something that could piss a seven-year-old off. we were in the hall, for our assembly. so i decided to test my belief there. 'is my friend a ghost or is she really a human being?'. i tried to comfort her, and i said something like 'that girl was selfish. we shouldn't treat anyone like that, because everyone has feelings. she's not the only one who's alive, everyone else does too, right?' and my friend said, something like 'you're right.
orang lain pun hidup jugak'. from that day, i've realized that i wasn't the only being in this world. my friends were all human beings too, they had feelings, and they had their own consciousnesses too. there, i wasn't alone. i had real friends!
but i wonder how did i keep myself busy when i was a kid? living in a world where you believe everything is unreal could be very depressing indeed. my mak told me i used to speak to myself when i was a kid. and she said she was worried, until someone told her that it was normal. haha, dang, she thought i was crazy or what. but i do remember though, how i talked to my teddy bears, and bunnies. and how i believed there was a secret library at the back of my house, like there was a secret door and stuff. my life was fun. and it was much more fun when my nephew grew up; so i could play with him, and we made forts and tents using blankets and pillows.
so, the moral of the story is, i can't be lonely. the only reason for me to feel lonely is because i make myself realize that i'm lonely. we are all loners. no one could understand you much better than you do. the only way to stop feeling lonely is to basically ignore the fact that you're lonely, and appreciate those real people who were created to accompany you, i.e: friends, family.
